Coming apart at the seams

Chaos

As I tumble through the darkness I make one wish:
that when all of this is over and I step into the light,
even if things have changed and will never be the same,
for just one day let everything be alright.

As my feet attempt to navigate the unfamiliar, uneven ground
I try to take in everything I see.
I’m surrounded by a cloud of my own confusion,
and the walls feels like they’re closing in around me.

I dig for the strength I know I have hidden
so I can stay true to the person I know I can be
Even as things spiral of if control.
I will fight my way free.

This poem says it all. The past month has been tough for me. It seems like the harder I try to get back on my feet the more off balance I become. I feel like a toddler learning how to walk for the first time.

When my Grandma died my whole world tilted and it’s  been a little off balance ever since. My heart breaks a little again from time to time as I try to move on and help with things. On top of that I have been trying to figure out where I am going to live and how to start my 401k. That doesn’t include how busy things have been at work and the sense of being incredibly overwhelmed I simply cannot shake.

I miss my friends and I would love to spend a day with them not worrying about anything, but when everyone lives in a different city with a different schedule, getting together is exponentially harder.

I know it will get better and I have been staying positive. However, there are moments where it takes all of my willpower to function normally and keep it together. I have too many emotions and find myself feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

I know I’m not the only one who has felt like this and, honestly, that’s okay. Growing up is hard to do.

Here are some takeaways I have for anyone who feels like they are struggling to keep it together:

Weakness is okay

You don’t always have to be Hercules strong. Tears are okay. Sometimes putting up a brave front might make everything tougher.

Chocolate

Eating a little chocolate here and there is totally okay when when you’re feeling down. Ice cream is also a good idea. And don’t feel bad about eating it. Do you really need to feel guilt on top of all that? Let loose a little.

Lean on your friends

Lean on your friends. They aren’t just there to party with. If they are truly your friend, they will be there when things get tough as well. Take advantage of that. Embrace their support.

Breathe

Just breathe. As much as you might want them to, your problems might not go away as quickly as you like. They might not be easy to handle either. Just breathe.

That’s all I have for you. If you have any advice to share with me, I’m all ears. Also, on a unrelated note, I am open to suggestions of types of small dog breeds to own.

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